Putting Up With vs. Agreeing With
1. I am agreeing with that person.
2. I am putting up with that person.
3. Somewhere in between 1 and 2.
Whether the relationship is with a co-worker, a boss, a family member or a
friend, life goes much smoother when we are in agreement.
Misunderstandings, which by their very nature prevent agreement, damage
relationships. Many misunderstandings stem from the fact that we listen to
people based on OUR point of view.
We PUT UP WITH what we perceive as rude, wordy, dull or inflexible people
and we allow these perceptions to poison our relationships, simply
because we fail to consider that their "style" may be different than our own.
On the other hand, we do expect people to treat us and listen to us based on
WHO WE ARE ... but often we don't return the favor by treating and listening
to others based on WHO THEY ARE. Perhaps they're PUTTING UP WITH US too!!
Coming into agreement is our goal and improving understanding among people
is a way to achieve that goal. To better understand others, we must consider
anything "negative" or "not constructive" and determine what they really want
to say. Most people don't want to offend or annoy us and realizing that, we
are able to focus on "what" they said and "why" they said it, rather than
being turned off by "how" they said it. We need to get our focus off of
ourselves and onto the other person.
The principles learned in the Management By Strengths program provide us with
tools we can use to improve any relationship. Past tensions should not
prevent us from approaching our relationships in a more "considerate" way.
Agreement may not come easily on substantive issues, but if we do not get to
a point of considering the other person, agreement may never come at all.
We'll simply go on putting up with people that we could be in agreement with.
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